FLIGHT

‘…we deeply regret the inconvenience caused to you’. The perfect westernized accent would have put even Her Majesty Queen Elisabeth II to shame, so immaculately she addressed the whole crowd upon delay in flight from fifteen fifty hours to sixteen thirty five hours. And immediately my sharp & ever ready to grasp ears heard a number of sighs of sadness, apathy & helplessness from around each of the quarter at the Hyderabad airport. Actually it was the sighs that sent message to my brain from my otherwise ready to listen ears. Yet, was beyond my brains to grasp the announcement in so alien accent in its maiden announcement, I had to listen it in other languages too including Telugu. Had it been railway station passengers would have emptied their filled cavity of mouth with saliva mixed paan or gutkha in cleanest possible place in the filthiest area in the world called railway station as a mark of their protest. But fortunately all those gutkha, paan, saliva & slang remained within the vicinity of mouth cavity.

Wearing careless look at the airport is the sure shot gesture to puts you in the upper echelon as frequent flier & thus the rich one who can afford flights & has enough work to justify so. With neatly tucked shirt in the neatly pressed trousers with polished shoes I was perhaps the only person looking shabby around. ‘Pull the shirt out’, wife noticed all those stares around gazing her dearest, ‘don’t look so formal, be at ease’. Lastly unable to cope the stares, I visited the ‘Men’s’, pulled out shirt a bit from a side, rubbed trousers on my right thigh to wear worn look, put my own foot onto the shoe to soil it, ruffled hairs a bit. ‘Now?’ seeking her approval, her satisfied look soothed me. Now I was looking frequent flier!

We waited, having known ‘patience causes little pains’, I reached my wife if she needs anything to bite. ‘It must be damn costly!!’ she exclaimed with curved eyebrows. It was indeed damn costly. The COP (cost of production, in our parlance) of samosa can never be more than two rupees; I bought it for rupees thirty only with printed bill from the electric cash register with ‘NA’ printed in front of VAT column. Lukewarm red tea apparently without milk & sugarless can not be sold even at the railway platform out of fear of beaten up badly at the hands of public, was ready to be tasted for again rupees thirty only. I took a glimpse of it before passing onto my tea craving wife. Her explicit facial expression spoke tons immediately the moment her taste buds had dialogue with all those tea molecules.

Experiencing the typical attitude of, so what if you are flying? All those dry, suspicious & ruthless stairs from the CISF (Central Industrial Security Force). And more than loving as if the whole passengers have arrived for her marriage & she is welcoming them with open heart expressions from all those ground force girls’. Or having come to fly is like doing greatest favor of her life. The only question was harassing me as if thorn has struck deep into my heels & can not be removed easily as, how far a person can wear such a welcoming & happy look? Experiencing such a contrasting expression under one roof is really a great achievement; I sincerely bow to all those frequent fliers from the bottom of my hip bone.

Being not able to handle so loving & caring expressions from so cute & made up faces I preferred to look outside the small window of aircraft during rest of the flight. ‘Look at her skirt how high it is, see her heels. Gosh, what a make up? See …’ wife’s’ monologue looking at the breezing by air hostesses sent me through the laps of sleep unknowing. My condition was rather precarious, having own wife seated by side neither I can train my eyes on those plastic plastered beautiful faces nor being able to accept that loving & caring look all the time with mutually colliding eye sights.

Food served in air has different taste. Having visited seven stars to minus seven start hotels I never tasted such a food be it whatever. Perhaps high altitude causes some abnormal chemical reaction in the food making it so obnoxious to consume. Now you can not leave it or deny it since it is served with so much care & love with neatly manicured hands & smile flashing through so nicely painted lips. You can not consume it too, considering your failing capacity of stomach; which is not used to so airy foods.

‘Look at that’ this time wife prodded her nailed finger into my stomach making me answer her at last, considering she was again up to some hairdo this time. ‘What?’ I tried to be as calm as one could be in the temple demanding god just everything on the earth. Otherwise too I try to hold my calm as if I’m in the temple not yielding to the Brahmin with his back permanently towards the idol of god. ‘That, outside the slum’ she pointed out her index finger out. Yes, it is time to fasten the seatbelt, the Dharavi slum spread miles across separating the plush airport with just barbwire fencing is the view signaling my hands to come in action & fasten the seatbelts, before ears hear announcement.

By

Vijay Yelmelwar

RETIREMENT PLANS

‘There is more fun in working than in sitting idle at home’ my newly enlightened friend in his newly entered sweet sixties spoke his mind with puffing off his cigar. Otherwise he’d plans rather he’d chewed my hundreds of hours in discussing his plans after his retirement. His topmost plan was to sit in the recliner eat healthy he actually meant edibles he thinks healthy whilst his doctor has other opinion about, drink dry martinis, smoke cigar, watch TV & discuss share market. I were sick of his plans, ‘talk anything but your retirement plans’ I once shut his about to open mouth; after all there is limit to everything.

His dream plan on resting in recliner with a cigar in the fingers has eased out it seemed. ‘How about start working again?’ I was more than anxious to listen him, as he has built up pile of money from his initial days of staying days together empty stomach. He’s always occupied upper echelon in my mind on ‘how to achieve something in life’. ‘No way, enough of that money earning, let’s do something different’ I again clutched his wandering mind. He was really not sure on what to do? Tickling wall clock was ruining his peace of mind earlier too he had same problem with the wall clock but now conversely the bloody time is not moving ahead.

‘Why don’t you guys buy a binocular & see the distant objects instead?’ his wife ridiculed on us both looking at us plunged in serious thought on what to do, how to pass time. Actually we both since our childhood never pursue any hobby which might kill our empty time now. Childhood flew away without trace, adolescence & teens got buried under school & college assignments, studies, results & grades well, we did out bit in those troubled days by catching hold of best & beautiful girls in our college making them our partners forever. Badly entangled in the daily chorus of work we just never realized as when hair got grayed & retirement date reached without inkling.

‘Why not try that too?’ he quipped with winking eye. ‘What do you do with the binocular, search for another star or what?’ I amazed looking at his thick glasses. ‘She fooled us, perhaps she wanted us to move to terrace so that she can get her friends & continue with kitty parties without our disturbance, got me?’ I tried to speak what was their in his wife’s’ mind after all I know her since our boyhood. ‘Whatever let us try this too’. He spoke with rare determination. I found such determination, spilling out of his otherwise clear but not red due to alcoholic effect, only when he has something else in his mind. He bought guitar not to learn but to follow his girl studiously learning violin then. Joined mess other than college canteen only to enjoy weekly feast of non-veg, a revelry then. Religiously bring grocery & vegetable to home when we all play at ground, not to be mothers’ obedient son but to swindle money.

I meekly followed him to buy binocular of good quality. Commissioned it on the terrace the same evening. Equipped with his dry martini, my scotch, ice cubes, his cigar, my pipe, roasted cashews etc. we settled onto the terrace with a good luck wish from our wives. They had rare satisfaction of fooling us in their still beautiful deep eyes, which I’m used to; as at least once a week I get such gesture from her. And it is close to thirty three years of togetherness I’m yet to gauge the loss to me but get an idea that I’m duped by her. It was she only who let our daughter dearest marry her Canadian husband diplomatically fooling her resisting old fashioned husband, that is me.

‘Let’s train our glasses onto moon first till we get accustomed to other heavenly objects’ sipping scotch on the rocks I was excited to see the creators & valleys & perhaps that great foot-print of human being on moon soil. ‘You fool, can’t you see moon with your necked eyes. I didn’t spend eleven thousand thirty four bucks to see moon which we otherwise see daily’ he chuckled with devilish smile. ‘See there through that window…’ I saw & froze with a glass of liquor where in the floating ice cube was melting.

‘Look, age doesn’t matter. If doing so in our teen was a fun & fetched our beautiful wives, what is the problem now?’ he was trying to convince me wiping dew on his glasses with his night suit. ‘Let the bodies’ age, mind is still fresh. At least mine is, how about yours?’ I shook my head in affirmation without my notice. ‘That’s’ it’ his slap on my back was rather bone breaking yet his sock to my head was much surprising & shocking.

‘We are on the terrace, to see the heavenly bodies’ with a particular stress on bodies we found a rare & confidential hobby to pursue. God is great!!!

By

Vijay Yelmelwar