FILMS

Hema Malini has been my most favorite heroine & I repent of not being of her age. I took birth rather late; this basic mistake has been followed by so many & many more mistakes for which I’m not responsible any way. But somehow I’ve been penalized of all that. Say, having good face is by birth, which paves ways to films; my mistake is I don’t have good face to shut doors of films on my face. Else it would be heaven to be in films.

Born terribly poor or filthy rich, study under the lantern on the footpath or from Harvard, hero is hero. Yet the commonest happening in the films for the hero is he gets the great looking girl in least possible clothes somehow or the other. How he gets the girl is the main story in almost all the films. Then he fights with double of his own weight, muscle power, body, height villain where in hero succeeds with least trouble. In the end puts his arm around the girls’ waist, grabs her & walks away. In between the films, for smokers’ delight, there are songs. Length of the songs is such that during that time one can puff off a cigarette, one should not lit the cigar. Hero makes a dozen of films a year & gets away with fat package in his pocket. I repent on my mistake of not getting good face. Otherwise what else hero needs? Anyone can build good body, sport the muscles in every other shot, keep the face as wooden as possible being a man no expenditure on glycerin too. Fight like a bull fighter, dance like a gym teacher, speak like a news reader & walk like a robot. However, how can anybody stop me loving & enjoying the movies?

Heroine must be a damsel, great looking, and dancer. Her face & body value is all that matters. Like hero her looks must compensate her acting. She must wet herself in the spring if budget approves or in the rains even if that is not possible in the bathtub whilst wrapping in the thinnest & smallest possible cloth not clothes. If she dares to walk wet in so till the temple & the bang the bell there lifting her hand, the picture is hit. She can then carry on like that discomforting her image for long, if possible in the next movie she can enact tortured daughter in law. Yet, while mopping the already clean floor she must sport her cleavage as deep as possible. Now a days heroine has stopped crying too how can producers ignore the huge female (not so huge) audience? Also, the heroines have done great injustice with the erstwhile cabaret dancers like Helen. Perhaps the cabaret dancers are shying away with main heroine since they expose better than them. I strongly feel, medical students & upcoming artists like painters, sculptors must see the movie. This is just for their better understanding of the anatomy which comes with bit of entertainment too.

Villains are the character I admire the most. Perhaps I fail to be hero, the jealousy might count here. Yet, they get to perform all so well be it acting, fighting, drinking, smoking, abusing, raping & what not. They get to live rich in films they don’t shy away eating rich food too hero is deprived of which otherwise in the films. Villains handle bombs & babes with utmost ease, I just envy them. So also, unlike hero they have freedom in getup too. My favorite villains are Pran, Ashok Saraf etc. But, if professional boredom is something as Amitabh Bachchan too plays villain, comedian play hero, villains play character actor, heroines play villains …. Sometimes the 2nd, 3rd or even 4th lead man or woman steals the show on their skill which is now skillfully ignored, remember yesteryears Vinod Khanna, Mumtaz.

Stars, they called as are mightier than the real stars. Their star power is greater than our sole star the sun since the sun shines only day time. These stars shine during day time & in the night they shine with more vigour. They can build or burn not only on the silver screen but also in reality. Be it Regan, Schwarzenegger or MGR, NTR, Jayalalitha freaked on screen & in reality easily. You need good face to be a hero. To be good actor you need facet not just face, remember Naseer, Puries, Ashok Saraf etc.

Alas! Face apart, I’m waiting to be called to be a villain at least. Money apart there is fun in acting villain you get to act there. Though on screen you lie looser on the back in the last.

By

Vijay Yelmelwar