Receding hairs in few or balding in the centre in others is the miracle of certain genes when a person reaches certain age. Till then these genes remain in dormant condition. My friend who is well unknown geneticist has discovered many such dormant genes which trigger off their effect mainly in Indian women only after their marriage. I was truly amazed but he showed me & convinced me his theory. After all science is truth.
These are few of those genes which make wives so.
As the marriage progresses into its ten plus year wives know more about their husbands than perhaps they themselves. Before I, enter into kitchen on Sunday afternoon, my wife can not take her happy nap that day since I’ve, weekly off’, she proclaims, ‘cold drink is over don’t open the fridge’. Just looking at my stressed face she knows it is time to fry bhajia. A slight smile on my face thins my wallet by few hundred rupees; if the bigger smile is caught by her, wallet may get thinner by few thousands even. Since over a period of time she’s gained wisdom about my moods. She realizes this is time to raid his purse.
As the marriage progresses irrespective of its period in years her erstwhile aerodynamic or to be specific her dynamite size of 32-24-32 changes & can progress up to 32-64-32. Sometimes even more & fewer times still more & still fewer times, I’ve heard, they need engineers’ measuring tape. This progress suppresses the yet dormant genes in her counterpart further. The chap regresses which may cause him to weight himself on ‘for children only’ scale.
As the marriage progresses, in directly proportional to its number of days of marriage number of saris in the cupboard or in the trunks increases. Invariably causing reason to buy another cupboard sometimes in the second to third year of marriage. Few husbands are more fortunate, they may require to buy the cupboard in the fourth or fifth but certainly nobody is more fortunate that this. After all, there is limit to fortune as well.
As the marriage progresses, the peculiar gene present in dormant condition in wives triggers off or so to say explodes off. This gene provides wives the third eye or sixth sense which enables her to x-ray her husbands anytime she wishes. The gene makes her pick up his one by one mistake, fault, error, and wrong doings. This prime & valuable data comes in handy in the troubled time so nicely that every time the battle is won even before its start. The same gene is said to be present in husbands as well. But its presence is yet to be proved my friend postulated, I fully supported him. After all science is truth.
As the marriage progresses, among the Indian wives the solitary gene starts showing its presence rather prominently. Even the girl before marriage is staying in joint family along with her four sisters, five aunts, five uncles, two dozen nephews etc. her solitary gene shows off. This gene compels wife to compel her husband to part away from his parents, brothers & sisters. My geneticist friend further says why the world of women’s sport can only shine in tennis, mixed doubles & not in doubles. Same with disc throw, javelin throw, archery, swimming, sprinting but not in football, cricket etc. Like two cat, two women in same home can not survive peacefully. My geneticist friend was rather convinced & thus adamant on his discovery.
As the marriage progresses, among the wives the dormant gene responsible for the ‘feeling of ownership’ gets stronger & stronger. After certain period of years, wives start strongly feeling, he is my private property. The genes’ presence is felt in both husband & wife as well. But, it is seen that during initial years of marriage, the male gene is stronger & active & as the years progress it gets more & more inactive. After some period, the gene gets so dormant that my geneticist friend fears that in the next generation the gene may never appear at all. On the contrary the same gene present in wife works exactly the opposite. My geneticist friend is not truly sure yet he confessed to me in private, I’m breaching the untold yet understood contract of not revealing the contents, that the same gene is responsible to make stateswomen across the globe. Why go to globe. At home, he postulated, ownership tussle starts with the moment her son marries his wife. The war goes on & gets murkier as the marriage progresses.
Actually, my geneticist friend has discovered many more such genes. But I preferred not to listen him more as, ‘there is bliss in ignorance’ one must not ignore that. The information was getting more & more explosive & not at all good for the married man like me, perhaps for you too.
Well, one more thing I forgot to mention, I’ve used I & my above. Actually it isn’t I neither my. It is the person in question in general. I’m not afraid of my, now my, wife at all (till she reads this).
By
Vijay Yelmelwar
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